


What Is And What Actually Should Be

by AllonsyAlonso



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost smut, Alternate Universe - Genie/Djinn, Episode: s02e20 What Is and What Should Never Be, F/M, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, Human Castiel, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2017-12-31 09:56:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllonsyAlonso/pseuds/AllonsyAlonso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel lost his grace and fell after Metatron tricked him. He joined the Winchesters on their hunts and stayed with them for many months until someone or something threw him in an alternate universe. Castiel's dreams come true when he wakes up next to (shirtless) Dean Winchester and finds out they're together. Who decided to make Castiel happy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Destiel fan fiction and I'm quite excited to publish it. There will be some grammar mistakes, I know, trust me. But I tried my best and I'm proud of it.  
> Hope you enjoy.

„Cas, get us some beer, alright?” Dean said as he relaxed his muscled figure on one of those uncomfortable motel beds. His one hand was occupied with holding an empty beer bottle and another one had fingers wrapped around the remote; his thumb switching channels. Television lights reflected in his green eyes as they were practically glued to the flashing screen.  
Castiel, who sat in dusty plaid armchair in the corner of the room, obeyed to Dean’s request and stood up. He then nodded at Dean who didn’t even pay attention to him anymore; the hunter was busy with trying to find some porn channel. Castiel slowly crossed the darkened room and stopped when he reached the silver door knob.  


“Anything else?” he asked over his shoulder, now looking at the younger hunter, Sam who was furiously pressing keyboard buttons on his laptop. Sam must have felt Castiel’s look on him so he raised his tired eyes to the trench coat man.  
“Erm, no, Cas, that’s all. Thanks.”, Sam spoke quietly and looked at Dean. He cleared his throat loudly, trying to draw Dean’s attention on him. Dean winced, his eyes blinking rapidly as his eyes moved to Sam who raised his eyebrows at older brother’s reaction.  


Sam continued after Dean settled down. “So, get this – “  


Castiel left the room before he could hear the rest of Sam’s sentence. As soon as he got out in the night, bitter air embraced his slender body. He stretched his dirty trench coat around himself even more, trying to get warm as he crossed the motel’s parking lot. The little shop called Davie’s was placed just across the motel. Lights from the inside could be seen so Castiel guessed they were still opened. It was quite late, but the owner apparently suffered from insomnia so he kept it opened. Castiel would be glad to heal him, but he couldn’t, not anymore.

It was still weird and unusual to Castiel, all human things and urges. He couldn’t fly around anymore, he couldn’t cure people, and he was growing tired and hungry and was always in need for something. It drove him insane sometimes. Feelings were ten times harder to maintain since he lost his grace. He missed his delicate wings; he missed his friends, his garrison.  


Sam and Dean were of substantial help and boundless support when he fell. They took him in on their hunts and they let him help them. Like now, he was getting them beer. And sometimes they would use his immense knowledge against other monsters.  


He was getting along with the Winchester brothers better than ever. Since he was human, he and Sam shared same interest in subjects such as monsters’ emotions towards the others and their mental state. Sam always approached the case with more avocation than will to kill; contrary to Dean whose motto was ‘here to hunt the bitches down’. They faced a lot of different monsters that pleaded for forgiveness and persistently tried to convince them that they will change and never kill a human being again. He and Sam found it quite fascinating, unlike Dean who would just shoot it unmercifully and also mutter something like ‘chicks and their periods’.  


But, nevertheless, Castiel found similar passions with Dean, too. They both liked burgers, for example. Jimmy’s love for red meat stayed in him and grew on Castiel as his desire. And he and Dean, no matter how much crap happened between them, were closer than ever to each other.  
Next to Dean his heart floated and ached his audacity out and in his stomach angst was always creating itself over and over and he thought it was a side effect because of the fall. After a while, he presumed it was affection towards someone, an attraction and it was towards Dean. Even before, when he was still an angel, he felt a major need to protect Dean; to shelter him and just hide him somewhere safe. Dean grew on him and he really didn’t want him to go away. He did it all for Dean. 

All those mistakes were to make world a better place where Dean would enjoy living. He brought Sam back, he ran away from Dean in Purgatory just to keep him safe and safe only. He was determined in keeping Dean without a scratch. He pitied Dean and his past. The way he was raised in a car and a motel. They way he and Sam never made friends besides hunters and if they did, well sooner or later those normal friends would get killed or get frightened and run away.  


Maybe he was, after all, Dean’s guardian angel. He was sent by his Father to save Dean from Hell because of justified reasons. But maybe Father knew, somehow predicted or even wanted to that all lead to the final fall of the angels. Maybe he wanted for his little soldiers to fall and live a life like humans because they truly were the most beautiful creation of Father.  


Castiel had similar thoughts like that very often. He was smart, intelligent, with a knowledge he held he could have easily succeeded in a business world. At least that was what Dean claimed.  


Dean had a lot of job to do and take care of. After the fall, Castiel’s emptiness and misery overtook his thin body and just threw him into depression or whatever Dean called it. And Sam was slowly recovering from unfinished curing the demon act, but he also had some rough nights as much as from nightmares and such. Dean was the sanest one and tried to keep it that way for everyone’s sake. He took Sam to a doctor and had a long talk with Castiel. They talked about Castiel’s future and his goals and when Castiel said he will just go down the road and see where it takes him; Dean protested and basically forced him to stay with them.  


They were set to go on a proper hunt after ages of getting Sam back on his feet. As soon as his face got a little bit of color, they jumped in Impala and headed down the road, like on the old days.  


Dean became more opened to Castiel and always talked about how Castiel can express his feelings to him if he wanted to because he was his best friend. Castiel was rather proud when Dean called him like that and as much as he wanted to tell Dean that he was utterly in love with him, he convinced himself that would make everything more awkward. So he kept his mouth closed.

He could get some pie, too, for Dean, he thought to himself as he passed the parking lot and was slowly approaching the small shop. He liked, heck, enjoyed and was overwhelmed whenever he saw Dean smiling or letting out his beautiful laugh.  
He just wanted Dean happy.  


Castiel was just about to grab the door knob when he felt someone’s presence behind him. He turned around slowly just to find out that he was being watched by two shiny neon blue eyes. His face crinkled in confusion and jolt as soon as long and icy fingers snuck under his sleeve. He couldn’t take his eyes off its eyes, but he still could try to shake the fingers off. What he learned from humans is that they have their personal space which everyone needed to respect. But the fingers just kept going further and forthwith the whole cold hand just enveloped around his forearm.  


“Excuse me, but – “Castiel started in his gruff voice, but the darkness filled his view and he felt his body collapsing onto the ground.

Ground was just a moment later replaced with something soft and his body was heated and he felt like he was sweating. He opened his eyes promptly, looking around. He came to realization when he felt something wrapped around his waist and curled up to his back. He decided to face the facts slowly because he didn’t have a clue what was going on and he learned from the Winchesters that panicking comes the last. So he imbibed the ambient around him. Set of cupboards, a wardrobe, night drawer, sheets, pillow… he was in the bed. He was lying on his right hip and that steaming touch on him still didn’t fade. He glanced behind him to see what was holding him the whole time. He sincerely hoped it wasn’t that blue eyed thing.  


It was Dean. Dean Winchester, the older hunter. Dean’s face rested behind him, his face looking calm and fresh; without wrinkles on his forehead or tensed muscles. Castiel’s blue eyes widened in bewilderment as he tried to elude Dean’s left arm swinging by his waist. Their sweating bodies were pressed to each other and he felt Dean burrowing himself into his back.  


He noticed that they weren’t covered with a blanket or even a duvet, which made it much easier to solve the situation. Dean’s and his legs were enmeshed together, but Castiel managed to crawl out of Dean’s embrace and range. Dean was a light sleeper, but Castiel somehow attained not to wake him up.  
Castiel stood up gingerly and investigated around the place. He took one last look at sleeping Dean and walked out of the stuffy room. He noticed he was barefoot when his sticky feet touched the dark red parquet; and he was also in boxers and stinky and sweaty gray tank top.  


He entered, what he assumed, was a dark living room and kitchen in one. What really caught his eyes was few feet wide window stretched on the wall. Castiel noticed a calendar on the marble counter just across the room. He slowly approached it, his sticky feet spotting against the crimson parquet. He grasped the small calendar in his hands, eyeing the crossed days.  


It was December 5th 2014. He dropped the calendar down with a low ‘plop’ and turned around, cocking his ears lightly to maybe hear a clock ticking. It was dark outside, so he reckoned it was night. But he needed to know how and why he was here, in bed with Dean in some kind of apartment.  
“You okay, Cas?” a voice hushed from the other side of the room. Castiel’s eyes shot up, struggling to recognize who it was. The figure became more visible as it reached light.  


Dean. He looked so young and lively, just his eyes sluggish, but they still held the same shade of green. Then he noticed that Dean’s toned torso was uncovered and he was wearing only sweaty boxers that fondled on him.  


“What time is it?” Castiel blurted out suddenly, staring at Dean intently. Dean scrunched his tired face in confusion and gestured his head behind Castiel. Castiel swung around and spotted a digital clock shining just behind where the calendar was before he dropped it.  


11:58 PM  


He turned back to Dean who managed to come even closer to him. Castiel shivered slightly and took a slow step back.  


“Cas?”  


“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio, “Castiel recited out loud, watching Dean’s movements carefully. But, after nothing unusual happened (except Dean’s face drew another level of confusion), the words of exorcism quietened down. “You’re not a demon?”  


Dean gaped at him dumbly for a good moment before he carelessly stepped into his personal space and grabbed him securely by his shoulders. He shook him lightly as he searched Castiel’s face for any uncommon features.  
“What’s going on?” they asked at the same time, but Castiel’s face was, unlike Dean’s baffled one, brimming with dismay. Dean sighed languidly and let his hands slide down’s Castiel’s arm where he caught Castiel’s hands and entwined their fingers together.  


“You had another nightmare,” Dean said matter-of-factly. “come back to bed. I’ll stay awake with you.” He then tugged his hands towards the bedroom, but a sudden beeping noise stopped them. They both turned around and saw a digital clock showing it was midnight.  


“December 5th. Happy Birthday, mom.” Dean said, giving out a small smile.  


Castiel tried to remember the exact hour he left the motel for beer. It was near midnight and it was December 4th. That still didn’t explain the reason he and Dean weren’t in the motel area. So, Dean wasn’t a demon and then again, no matter if Castiel checked, he couldn’t have been possessed because of the anti possession tattoo Dean had. Perhaps, he was a shape shifter. But how could he know? There were no cameras near, he had no iridium or silver. He could be jumping at the jaws of death. He had to risk it.  


He let Dean drag him to their stuffy and darkened bedroom. He noticed a cellphone on one of the night stands by the bed, instantly coming up with a plan. He would take the phone and try to record Dean’s eyes to check if he was a shape shifter.  


Dean lied down on their bed and pulled Castiel down with him. Castiel slowly landed on Dean’s bare chest, but Dean shifted them and raised Castiel to his shoulders. Castiel rested his head on Dean’s soft and warm shoulder that held no scars. He glanced at Dean’s chest and saw no anti possession tattoo. In fact, Dean didn’t have any scars on his smooth skin; even Castiel’s hand mark on his shoulder wasn’t there. Usually it was, just a bit faded away.  


So, Dean wasn’t a shape shifter, thankfully. Unless his shape shifter decided not to completely copy Dean’s body, leaving out tattoos and scars.  
Castiel’s thoughts were interrupted when Dean stretched his hand into Castiel’s dark hair; his fingers tangling and untangling Castiel’s thick hair.  


“You should really stop reading those Supernatural books.” Dean spoke up, softly. His other arm curled around Castiel’s waist, gently pressing him onto Dean’s body. “They’re not real, Cas.”  


Castiel stayed silent. He was actually enjoying Dean’s presence. He hated to do it, but in that moment he didn’t care if it was fake Dean or real Dean because he waited for years to be held in his arms.  


Dean continued. “I’ll tell Chuck to stop sending you scripts of his books. See what happens? It’s been weeks since you had nightmares. Weeks, Cas, weeks! And then he sends you another script and bam! Nightmares, again.”  


Castiel nodded, although he had no idea what was Dean rambling about. He decided to ignore it for now, enjoying in Dean’s embrace.  


“Tell me.” Castiel whispered into his collarbone. He wanted to find out more about all of this because maybe this was some kind of pocket universe. Maybe this was Gabriel’s fault, the archangel’s. He was dead, but he was a Trickster, maybe he somehow escaped Death. “Tell me how we met. What you thought of me.”  
Castiel picked that from one of those movies where a person have had an amnesia and questions people about its past.  


“How I met you?” Dean asked and a moment later Castiel was nodding. “Alright, alright.”  


“So me and Bobby were going to this florist Abysuss or whatever –“  


“That means Hell in Latin.” Castiel stated all of a sudden.  


Dean paused for a second. “Really? Well, the owner, Meg, was creepy so it fits.” He said and chuckled. “Moving on.”  


“We were buying a bouquet for my mom’s birthday and you were there showing us around some flowers that she might like although you've never met her, but apparently bees liked those flowers, I don’t know. I didn’t really pay attention because your eyes, damn your eyes, were so distracting.”  


Castiel felt his cheeks heating up and Dean’s hand from his hair fell to caress Castiel’s cheek.  


“Yeah, I was blushing too when Bobby told me later that I’ve been staring at you for the whole time. Anyway, I bought my mom flowers every day for a month because I kept visiting you at the florist. And then finally I grew a pair and asked you out.  


I took you to a bar called ‘Warehouse’. You told me you were a bee keeper and we started to know each other. And we’ve been seeing each other ever since for 5 years.” Dean finished it with a huge proud grin stretched on his face.  


Castiel inhaled too much air, choked on his own saliva and then coughed out loudly. “Whoa, whoa, hey there, breathe.” Dean warned, looking at Castiel worryingly.  


He was seeing him for 5 years? In the real world he knew the Winchesters for 5 years. They were together? And he was a bee keeper? Well, that sounded like him, he did find bees fascinating.  


“You know what; I’m going to kill Chuck. Look what his books are doing to you!” Dean exclaimed, his grip around Castiel tightening. “Guy’s been obsessed with these monsters for far too long. I remember when he was babbling about shape shifters and wendigos back in high school. Man, he was annoying. We need to find him a girl.”

*

Castiel woke up next morning trapped in Dean’s arms and sheets. Sweat was breaking through every part of his body and Dean’s skin was sticky and heated up. It felt like he was lying on the edge of a volcano. And he actually knew how that felt.  


“Mmmh, you better?” Dean murmured into his ear, his warm breath tickling his earlobe. Castiel nodded, still confused about this whole universe thingy. Well, he assumed it was a pocket universe.  


"Gimme my phone." Dean pleaded into his ear. Castiel tried to stretch his arms to the night stand, but Dean had them held under his arms.  


"Y-you're holding me." Castiel muttered as he tried to sneak his arms out. Dean snickered quietly and loosened his arms and let Castiel's arms free. Castiel immediately reached for Dean's phone and handed it to him. "Thanks, hon."  


Dean kissed him fully on the lips, his warm soft lips rubbing against Castiel's. Castiel started to drift away from his lips, but Dean raised his palm up to Castiel's cheek and grasped him.  


Castiel never kissed anyone before. Except Meg. How did that go? What did he do?  


Castiel parted his lips and Dean's tongue directly slipped into his mouth. Castiel moaned hungrily and wrapped his fingers around back of Dean's head, pushing him more into the kiss. He felt Dean smiling into their kiss which made that angst in his stomach explode. He was getting out of breath and then Dean separated them, both gasping for air.  


"Cas, I'd love to, I really would, but we need to get ready for mom's party." Dean said, grinning like a maniac with his puffy lips. He unlocked his phone. "Whoa, we've been asleep whole morning. It's 12pm!"  
He'd really love what?  


Dean jumped out bed swiftly, somehow managing to entangle himself from sheets and rushed out of the bedroom. Castiel followed him around the apartment until he found him stripping in the bathroom.  


"Ok, maybe we have time for something..." Dean said, wiggling his eyebrows and winking at Castiel seductively. Before Castiel could even open his mouth to say anything, Dean pulled him into a sloppy kiss. "I always preferred shower sex."  
Shower what?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the date on the last chapter. I forgot when was Mary Winchester's birthday and then I rewatched 'What Is And What Should Never Be'. I changed the date to December 5th 2014.

Dean grabbed a fistful of Castiel’s gray tank top and lugged him forward towards his face. Their lips connected as Dean spun Castiel around and pinned him carefully to the wall’s cold tiles. Dean’s boxers were hanging loosely around his slim hips while he attempted to get Castiel out of his sticky tank top.

“We should lower the heating,” Dean murmured in between the passionate kisses. “Look how sweaty we are, I can barely get you naked.” 

Castiel moaned into his mouth, his face reddening slightly as he pressed his palms against Dean’s chest. He tried to push Dean away a little bit because he wasn’t prepared for any kind of sex. He was human for a couple of months already, but he still didn’t experience sex. In his universe, not even Dean pushed him into anything he didn’t want to and he appreciated that. 

But, in this universe, this Dean was persisted and he squeezed Castiel between him and the wall, slowly moving down Castiel’s jaw, leaving small kisses everywhere. Castiel couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying this because he felt his cock hardening in his boxers. Apparently, Dean did, too and he rubbed their crotches together while he moved to Castiel’s neck and sucked it. 

“D-dean…” Castiel exhaled, his hands moving to curl around Dean’s neck. His legs weakened when Dean sucked harder around his throat. Dean’s arms fell to his sides, instantly grabbing Castiel’s thighs and lifting him up easily. Castiel wrapped his legs around his waist, his erection grinding against Dean’s stomach. 

Castiel hated to admit it, but his body felt vulnerable and vacant without Dean’s soft lips pressed to it. That feeling didn’t last long and Dean’s mouth trailed down on Castiel’s collarbone. Dean’s one arm was under Castiel’s bottom and another one on the wall against them to keep them upright and Castiel isolated the whole world out because he was being held in Dean’s embrace and that was all it mattered. 

Dean’s stubble brushed Castiel’s collarbone, creating a loud moan out of Castiel’s mouth. Dean was about to drag his lips down to his chest when his lips left Castiel’s body. Castiel squirmed hungrily in his embrace, his hands helplessly aiming towards Dean’s hair. 

Dean slowly lowered Castiel down on his wobbly feet. “The phone. Can you hear it ringing?” 

Castiel’s mind was swimming and his view was dizzy since he kept his eyes shut when Dean’s started kissing him. He muttered something unknown for both of them. He slid down the wall to the cold tiles to calm himself down. His cock was softening slowly because Dean’s warm touch wasn’t on him anymore. 

He realized Dean wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. Castiel gulped and managed to get up on his unbalanced feet, carefully stepping out of the room. He found Dean in the living room, by the counter with a phone on his ear. Dean noticed Castiel and gestured him to come closer. When Castiel did, he titled the phone so they both can hear the person on the other side of the line. 

It was Sam. Castiel recognized his voice shortly after he started talking. 

“So the restaurant is not far from mom’s place. I booked us a table by the window and it’s close to the this quartet and – “ 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fancy schmancy, I get it.” Dean said, cutting him out. “But when is it? 5 PM still stands?” 

“Yes, we will meet at mom’s at 5 PM and then we’re all leaving for the restaurant. By the way, Jess is quite… let’s say sensible these days so make sure you tell her she looks great. You have to say she looks great. Please.” Sam pleaded into the phone. 

Dean chuckled, rolling his eyes comically. “How are they?” 

“Oh, you know, kicking and screaming.” 

Dean frowned a little and paused. “I sincerely hope Jess is the one who’s screaming.” 

“Of course, Dean.” Sam said, laughing a bit. “Alright, see ya in couple of hours. Don’t be late.” 

“Bye, Sammy.” 

“Don’t call me Sa – “ 

Dean hung up, grinning like a child. Castiel was still breathless, inhaling and exhaling next to Dean, his dark hair pointing in every way. Dean turned around and put the phone back on its stand just to turn around again and grab Castiel by his hips. 

“Sam, the cockblocker. Always and forever.” Dean said, nudging his head into Castiel’s shoulder, kissing it softly. “I thought it was mom calling and we never not answer mom.” 

Dean started to suck Castiel’s shoulder, his hot breath trickling against Castiel’s skin. “Now, where were we?” he asked and sucked gently. 

Castiel gasped out a choked noise, feeling Dean smiling on his skin as he pushed his hands underneath Castiel’s tank top. 

“I’m not feeling like it.” Castiel whispered, his voice shaking when Dean’s hands started to slide down to his crotch. 

“I can make you feel like it.” Dean said when reached the elastic of Castiel’s boxers. 

“Dean, don’t.” Castiel managed to say more confidently, placing his hands on Dean’s chest again. Thankfully, Dean’s hands faded away from his boxers and Dean lifted his forehead to rest it against Castiel’s. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll take a shower by myself.” Dean added. “Your loss.” He winked and stirred his hips towards Castiel before leaving the room. 

Castiel rolled his eyes at him and turned around, facing the big window. He looked out; finding out their apartment was probably at the top floor. He looked down and the whole town was covered in fog and it was snowing. It all felt unrealistic since it was smoking hot in here. 

* 

“And what will Sam wear?” Castiel asked, sitting down on their bed and watching Dean fixing his shirt in front of the mirror. Dean turned around with his now straightened blue button-up shirt tucked in his pants. Dean stretched his hand, showing Castiel to get up. 

“Knowing Sam’s wardrobe, he has a shit ton of plaid shirts.” Dean stated as he tucked Castiel’s white shirt in his pants. “But, since he’s a lawyer, he’ll definitely wear a tux.” 

When Dean finished him, Castiel dipped his head into their wardrobe, looking around. He noticed a black blazer and a beige trench coat folded at the bottom. He picked it carefully; examining it like it was gold. He slipped into the blazer which fit perfectly on him and added a trench coat over that. He walked to the mirror, next to Dean who was checking out his hair. When he noticed Castiel’s outfit, his eye brows raised. 

“Where did you find that coat? I haven’t seen it in years.” Dean asked, eyeing it curiously. He ran his hand up and down the smooth fabric and poking the buttons playfully. “You wore it when first time I met you.” 

Castiel smiled at Dean warmly, not knowing why, just felt like it was appropriate at the moment. “I found it on the bottom of the closet.” 

Dean’s eyes flickered when his lips stretched into a beaming smile. He rushed to the closet, opening it excitedly. “We haven’t cleaned it in ages!” he exclaimed, digging through piles of different clothes. 

Not long after, Castiel heard a gasp from Dean’s direction. 

“My leather jacket!” 

Castiel didn’t even turn around properly to see what Dean was talking about when he jumped in front of him in his old brown leather jacket. “Man, I missed it!” he claimed, shoving his fists into pockets and spinning around, examining himself in the mirror. “So going to wear this today!” 

Castiel glanced at Dean, all happy and cheerful in his leather jacket. He waited for years to see happy Dean in his universe. But, who could smile all of those scars, wrinkles and pain? Under woe and endless guilt? But, after all, it didn’t matter to him if this Dean (who most certainly wasn’t his Dean) was everything he ever wanted. 

He wanted his Dean, in his universe to be happy and to smile truthfully. 

Castiel shook away those thoughts and left the room. He checked the clock across the living room. 

4:46 PM 

“Dean, we should go!” Castiel shouted towards the bedroom door. 

“Alright! Just lemme take our gifts!” Dean replied. Castiel heard some shuffling in the back and finally Dean stepped out with a big square-like wrapped up present held in his hands. “Okay, let’s roll.” 

Outside was a mess. The wind was shoving pages of newspaper all over the place, snow and fog was blurring the view and no matter how warm his coat usually way, Castiel was cold. 

“Coldest winter of all time. I don’t remember being this cold in Lawrence since… well I don’t know. It was never this cold.” Dean said when they settled in the Impala. Castiel shivered in his seat, drawing his coat more around himself. 

“Sorry, the heating is broken. And I know what you’ll say. You’re a mechanic and you can’t fix your goddamn car! Whatever, suffer a bit.” Dean said and started the engine. 

There was a long silence between them until Dean started laughing. Castiel didn’t move at all, he continued to stare through the misted window. 

“Come on, Cas, you know I didn’t mean that. I was joking! I’ll fix it just for you as soon as possible, alright?” Dean said and his hand landed on Castiel’s thigh. 

Castiel winced out of surprise which made Dean pull it back. 

“Meant what?” Castiel questioned. He seriously wasn’t following. Did Dean insult him? He thought of what Dean said before and he found nothing offensive whatsoever. 

Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly with one hand and said:”You’re becoming more distant since you’ve been reading those books.” 

Castiel didn’t understand him, again, so he turned his attention to the window again. He wiped off the mistiness off the window and looked through it. 

“Don’t, ugh, Cas, don’t just ignore me! We need to discuss this!” 

But Castiel wasn’t listening to Dean anymore. He noticed a girl in white, all barefoot and cold, standing on the sidewalk and staring back at Castiel. She stared at him until the car turned around the corner. Wasn’t she cold? 

“Cas!” 

Castiel jumped in his seat and shifted his eyes onto Dean whose eyes were furiously staring at him. “Don’t make me pull this car!” 

Castiel felt smaller under Dean’s view and he clutched his coat in his fists to calm himself down. Dean noticed that action and his eyes softened. 

“Cas…” Dean trailed off quietly. “I worry. I love you and I worry about you. And having you all isolated isn’t helping.” 

Castiel stayed silent. Dean sighed heavily once again. The rest of the drive was quiet. None of them seemed to enjoy it. 

Dean spoke up again when they arrived and parked behind blue Volkswagen Passat.”Sam’s here.” He said and stopped the engine. He faced Castiel, his expression serious. “Cas, listen, let’s not fight today, on mom’s birthday, okay? We’ll discuss it at home.” He then leaned across to kiss Castiel on the lips. Castiel was about to kiss back when Dean backed off and got out the car. 

“Dean, Castiel!” Mary Winchester gushed when she opened her front door. 

She was turning her 60th today, but her appearance told contrary. Her hair was still golden blonde (just a few grays, more or less), her face held few wrinkles on her forehead and under her eyes, but she was still smiling proudly and she looked fit for a woman who lived alone. She grabbed both Dean and Castiel and dragged them in, the warmness of her home heating them up. Dean handed her the present over which she blushed and smiled happily. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”She kept saying as she embraced them into a hug. 

“Aww, look at you!” she said, grasping Castiel’s face between her hands. “I got your tulips this morning! Oh, they’re wonderful! I love them!” 

Castiel nodded at her reassuringly and smiled heartily. “You are welcome.” 

She led them to the living room where Sam and Jessica sat. 

Castiel knew who Jessica was. He knew everyone related to Winchesters, of course. He visited Mary’s, John’s and even Jessica’s heaven. He met a Cupid who told him Sam and Jessica were soul mates and same goes for Mary and John. Jessica’s pregnancy bump was showing off in her black dress. She looked tired, but she rested her head on Sam’s shoulder who was, indeed, in a tux. His large hand was placed on Jessica’s bump, shifting slowly back and forth. 

“Hey, mom, it’s kicking now!” Sam said wildly, his smile growing. Mary squeaked and hopped to Jessica’s side as Sam grabbed her hands and gently guided them on Jessica’s bump. A moment passed and Mary burst into fits of giggles. 

“Oh my God, it’s been 30 years since I felt that!” she uttered, tears forming in her eyes. 

“Oh, but I bet you don’t miss swollen ankles, do you?” Jessica blurted out, her head rolling off Sam’s shoulder. “I regret these heels now.” 

Mary waved it off and said:”I have some kind of gel for that, I’ll get it for you!” and she rushed out of the room. 

Dean and Castiel stood on the entrance, both with fazed expressions. 

“Guys! I didn’t see you!” Sam greeted, gesturing to them to come closer. “Come, try!” 

Dean sat down next to Jessica and tenderly rested his palm on the bump. Not long after Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel’s waist and pulled him down on his lap. Castiel let out a small surprised gasp, but settled down. 

“Gimme your hands.” Jessica requested kindly, offering her hands towards them. They both let Jessica grab their hands and lead them. 

“OhmyGod,” Dean whispered suddenly. “Oh my God, Cas, can you feel that?” 

Castiel was about to shake his head, but then suddenly something kicked under his hand and his jaw dropped. He ran his hand across the bump, like he was chasing the kick. In all his years of existence, in those billions of years he never felt something like that. He has been through battlefields of every war, through every big event, he was a soldier, he traveled across the globe millions of time, he was god and yet again this feeling was unknown to him. 

Dean withdrew his hand back and so did Castiel. It stopped kicking. 

“That was awesome.” Dean told them, cracking a wide smile. “How far are you, Jess?” 

“28 weeks.” Jessica said satisfied, cradling her bump. 

Dean shook his head slightly and looked at Sam confused. 

“That’s 7 months.” Sam said, chuckling. 

“Oh, great, when’s your due date?” Dean asked again, obviously interested. 

“Around Valentine’s day.” Jessica replied. 

“Alright, enough chat, we should get going.” Sam said, clapping his hands, ushering everyone up. Jessica groaned, trying to get up on her feet, but Sam and Dean ended up helping her. “Mom! Where is she?” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Mary yelled back, jumping down the stairs enthusiastically. She held pile of baby clothes in her arms. “Look what I found!” 

Dean immediately noticed his ‘I wuv hugz’ T-shirt hanging and grabbed it, checking it out. The shirt looked tiny as he held it against his chest. “Man, I remember this shirt.” He said and handed it to Jessica. “My nephew or niece better wear this, got it?” 

Jessica rolled her eyes and laughed. “It’s not born yet and it’s spoiled.” 

* 

Their rounded table at the restaurant was placed next to the big window through which you could see a large fountain. It was December so the night covered Lawrence pretty quick and the moon shined at the top of sky along with the street lamps beneath. The atmosphere was relaxing and they had a great time. Mary was absolutely happy about everything, she was glowing. She mostly talked to Jessica about the baby and whole pregnancy situation. Sam and Dean caught up with everything; Sam was a lawyer and was planning to go even further to become a judge. 

Before the dessert, Jessica and Mary stood up and decided to go to the bathroom. 

“I, uh, have to make a call.” Sam said and walked away from the table. 

Dean turned to Castiel who was fiddling with his fingers aimlessly. Castiel noticed Dean’s look on him and faced him. Dean gulped dryly and caught Castiel’s hands in his. “Cas, I have to ask you something.” 

Castiel nodded in approval and waited for his question. Dean shifted in his chair uncomfortably and pulled back his one hand and pushed it into his jacket pocket. He shuffled with the pocket for a second before he took out a small black box. 

Castiel’s eyes widened. He saw moments like this on television. Dean was proposing him. His chest tightened and he was breathless, staring at the box. Dean opened the box, revealing a simple golden ring. He picked it out gingerly and lifted it to Castiel’s face. 

One tear dropped and streamed down Dean’s cheek. “Shit, fuck, I was supposed to be all macho about this.” He croaked and shook his head. “Sorry.” 

He looked up to meet Castiel’s eyes and cleared his throat. “Will you marry me, Cas?” 

Castiel’s lips parted, his jaw hanging loosely. What was he supposed to do? Accept or not? This wasn’t his universe. Some other Castiel from this universe was the one who had to make this decision. 

A long pause passed. “I… I need some air.” Castiel whispered, almost ashamed of what he said. Dean’s face frowned, but he nodded understandably and leaned back in his chair. 

“Of course, take your time, Cas.” Dean said quietly, his voice breaking at the end. Castiel stood up swiftly and desperately looked for the exit. 

When he found it, he paced all the way to the end of the parking lot and propped onto lighting pole. He forgot to take his coat with himself so now he was shivering in the cold night. 

He needed to figure out how to leave this universe as soon as possible. He had enough of this universe. He was grateful to whoever took him here, he enjoyed this Dean, but his Dean was the one for him. No matter if this Dean showed him more affection than his Dean. His Dean was his home. 

He tried to remember what those blue eyes were when he was taken to this universe. His whole love for Dean kept him away from the real problem. Why was he here? Who took him here? An angel? He knew angels were after him, but why would they put him in another universe? It made no sense. If they wanted him dead, he would be dead by now. He thought further, remembering every creature that had blue eyes. 

Blue eyes and a transporter to different universe, he kept repeating in his head. 

Then it hit him. A djinn. How could he forget the djinn? It was so obvious. He felt a huge shower of relief crossing his body, but that faded away soon enough as he tried to remember how to fight it back. 

He started to pace up and down again, around the lighting pole. That was when he noticed someone watching him across the street. It was that girl again. She was barefoot again and her hair and skin was covered with frost. She stared at him with dead eyes, her face blank. He started walking towards her when he heard yelling behind him. 

“Cas!” a familiar voice kept shouting. 

He didn’t turn around. He continued to walk towards her slowly. He had a feeling she knew something, maybe she came here to help him get out of this universe. 

“Cas!” the voice was closer and closer to him. “Cas, stop!” 

“I need to fight this back. I need to fight the djinn.” Castiel shouted back. He felt Dean’s presence nearing him. 

“Djinn? Cas, those things aren’t real! It’s all made up! Those books aren’t real! You’ve gotta trust me!” Dean caught his shoulder and tried to stop him, but Castiel shook it off, speeding up. 

Castiel reached the road and suddenly something blinded him and hit him with such force. There was a loud honking noise above him and his body was in pain. The voice behind him disappeared into cold air and his vision became blurry. His eyelids became heavier and he shut them. 

“Cas!” 

His hands felt sore, his body worn out and his neck was numb. He fluttered his eyes open, his vision blurry again. He moaned quietly, his mouth dehydrated and his whole body was just really tired. 

“Cas!” 

He heard someone shouting on and on, but after his vision cleared a bit he noticed he was in some kind of basement. He tried to move, but he was hanging and his hands were tied. “H-help.” He breathed out, barely audible. His mouth hurt after he talked, watering his eyes in pain so he closed them. 

“Cas!” a very familiar voice shouted again and he wriggled around to see who it was. A moment later he felt someone’s hands on his face, but he was too weak to open his eyes again. “Son of a bitch! Cas!” 

“Cas!” a different voice came along and his hands were suddenly released and he wasn’t hanging anymore. 

“Water, give him water!” a familiar voice ordered and Castiel’s mouth were open and he felt liquid flowing and filling his mouth. He gulped uncertainly, his whole mouth aching. He was then lifted and he lost his consciousness again. * 

The moment he opened his eyes he saw the most beautiful eyes watching him. 

“Dean?” he whispered and struggled to lift his hand to touch Dean’s face so he could confirm he was real. That he was his Dean. 

He knew it was his Dean. All the wrinkles and scars were there, his hair had few grays poking out and he could see the agony and constant worry in his eyes. 

“He-hey, angel boy, it’s alright, don’t stretch too much.” Dean warned him and lowered his hands. “I’ve got you.” 

He had him. Where exactly were they, anyway? Castiel looked around curiously and realized his head was lying on Dean’s lap. They were curled up at the back of the Impala which was roaring down the road. He noticed Sam was driving. He only let Sam drive his baby in really extreme situations. 

Castiel glanced back at Dean who never stopped staring at him. 

“Sleep, we still didn’t arrive. Rest.” Dean said softly and lulled him in his muscled arms. Castiel smiled faintly and let himself melt into his touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> There will be one more chapter. I will probably publish it some time this week. Thank you for reading this chapter and I hope you'll stick with me until the end.  
> I appreciate every hit and every kudo and bookmark and you all make my day every time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I suck, huh. So I've been super busy lately (exams, you know) and I wanted to finish this story, but then I got writer's block and ugh, it's Monday, 10pm and I just finished this, I don't care if it's lame, there are some mistakes, I'm sorry.  
> I hope you like it, of course.

Castiel hopelessly wanted to forget. He tried not to count how many times the sun rose and set since then. He was afraid to close his eyes, to sleep and to dream; yet again, he we was afraid to open his eyes and face the reality. He was ashamed to breathe in his universe since he breathed so comfortably in the fake one. He thought he would feel safe once in his universe, but it felt like the universe rejected him with coolness and pain in his guts. No covers could warm him up, no pillow could rest his aching head and there was no escape.

It’s been months since the night Winchesters saved him and brought him to the bunker. It’s been months since they tucked him in bed and told him to ‘sleep it out’. As in he could sleep. It’s been months since Castiel looked anyone in the eye. It’s been months since Castiel let anyone touch him. 

It’s been months. 

“It’s been months,” said Sam one night when Castiel walked in bunker’s library where Sam sat with his laptop. Dean sat across him, propping himself on two chairs; resting his bottom on one and legs on another one. “Of people disappearing all over Kansas.” 

The floor creaked as soon as Castiel entered the room, making both brothers look up. Dean’s face hardened at first since he and Castiel didn’t share a proper conversation for ages, but at the sight of Castiel’s dark bags under his glassy eyes, his expression calmed and his lips curved into a small smile. “Heya, Cas, what’s up?” 

It’s been months of Dean coming to Castiel’s room, sitting on the edge of his bed in which Castiel buried himself. It’s been months of Dean sighing tiredly and rubbing his eyes whenever Castiel refused to talk. It’s been months of guilty building up in Castiel, but he couldn’t get himself to talk. 

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel said silently and proceeded to walk to the kitchen in his slippers and long pajamas. He could feel boys’ look on his back when he was reaching the kitchen and on the halfway there Sam spoke up again, clearing his throat:”Last disappearance was two days ago in Topeka. We should go check it out.” 

Castiel poured himself a glass of water and drank it afterwards. And he did that five more times because since the djinn he felt dehydrated all the time. He looked towards the refrigerator and for a moment he considered eating something, but he never really had an appetite. Nothing tasted right to him; not anymore. He heard some shuffling in the library room and when he got back, Sam was nowhere to be seen and Dean was piling up the research books. 

“Sam’s out.” Dean said suddenly, straightening up slightly. “He, uh, went to check out if it was our kind of thing, y’know.” 

Castiel nodded at him knowingly and dragged himself to his room. After he passed a few halls and finally reached his room, he threw himself on his cluttered bed and closed his eyes in attempt to fall asleep. 

He knew Dean followed him in. He knew Dean would sit on the end of his bed and maybe say something, trying to comfort him desperately. 

What he didn’t know was that Dean will lie down next to him. And be quiet for a while before his breathing became louder and he finally sighed and shifted himself. 

“Cas – “ 

“Dean.” 

Another sigh. 

“We need to discuss, we need to solve this.” Dean stated and gripped Castiel’s hips, spinning him around so he lied on his back, facing Dean. Castiel shivered at 

Dean’s touch and smacked his hands off, but remained on his back. Dean looked offended at Castiel’s action, but continued. 

“Cas… I’ve been in your skin before. I was attacked too and saw some stuff. Believe me, I’m still not the same since that. I’m certainly better. I got better.” Dean said softly, his voice slowly quieting down. 

Dean stared at Castiel until he answered with simple:”I know.” 

Dean’s eye brows narrowed at Castiel and Castiel knew Dean needed some further explanation. “I saw every part of your life, Dean. Since you were conceived.” 

“Yeah, uh, still weird, let’s not mention it.” Dean murmured. “But, then again, you saw me getting through it, Cas. I, let’s say, recovered.” 

“We’re not comparable, Dean.” Castiel said instantly and sternly, his jaw tightening as he glared at Dean. “You are a hunter. You are human. You’ve been through many battles. You were taught to handle pain. I was not! I’ve been human for barely a year. This is all fresh to me. These feelings, emotions, pain, tears and everything. I was unprepared for this! You have no right to compare me and you. We’re different!” 

Castiel realized they were both now standing, one on the one side of the bed and one on the other side. Dean stood still until he bowed his head and laughed. 

Castiel looked at him with a furious look, demanding to know what was funny in this kind of moment. Dean rubbed his eyes while he laughed and then stopped and looked straight at Castiel with a rigid expression. 

“You selfish son of a bitch.” Dean groaned. “So you claim that being human for a longer time makes you, what, immune to pain? You think those people who are one hundred years old don’t feel pain when they lose someone? It crushes them too, C as! Just like it hurts a little baby when it loses its toy! We all feel pain no matter what! Learn that!” 

Castiel waited not long after Dean finished:”What I saw –“ But Dean, who was now flaming, cut him off:”What you saw and what I saw and what everyone else saw whenever the djinn poisoned them wasn’t real. No matter how real it seemed. It was your wish. You wished that and you got hurt. Your fault. Blame yourself and then forgive it to yourself. Because you can. And you want to.” 

When Castiel had no answer, Dean continued:”You could’ve talk to us. We didn’t chain you to this bed, Cas. We gave you time to adjust. And then to talk to us. We’d help. “ 

“What I saw,” Castiel started again after taking a shaky breath, his eyes glazing. “Was something I can’t deal with. It hurts too much, Dean.” 

And he finally broke in tears, letting all out, sobs tearing his throat. His façade was down and he didn’t bother himself to care. He needed that. He needed to be yelled at, he needed some proving. Before he knew it, strong arms curled around his shaking shoulders, holding him tightly and Castiel relaxed as he whimpered in his own skin, heavy teardrops rushing down his cheeks. He didn’t notice he was crouched until Dean pulled them both down to sit on the floor; Castiel wrapped between his legs as he held him, his chin resting on top of Castiel’s head. 

“Tell me what you saw.” Dean said after a while, whispering into Castiel’s ear. Castiel’s sobs calmed down, but he was still hiccupping. Castiel shook his head at that, but Dean was determined. “Cas, please. At first I didn’t tell anyone either, but after some time passed I told Sam everything. And I felt better.” 

“Please, Cas.” 

Castiel gulped quietly and squirmed in Dean’s embrace, turning around to face him. Before any of them could say anything, Castiel pressed their lips together and (thankfully) this was his Dean and his lips that were nothing in comparison with djinn’s Dean. These lips felt right. When Dean parted his lips slowly, Castiel slipped his tongue in, his chest leaning into Dean’s. That made them collapse on the floor; Dean on his back and Castiel on him. That broke the kiss and they were both breathing loudly. 

“I saw that. Something like that.” Castiel said, his lips stretching out in a small smile. 

Dean smiled back, actually grinned wildly and pursed his plump lips towards Castiel’s. They pecked their lips lightly, until Dean broke it off again and said:”You wished this and this time it won’t hurt. I promise.” 

And he kissed him again. 

And again. 

And again. 

And it was kisses filled with salt from tears, happy ones and sad ones, but it didn’t matter because this was real. This was them, real them and only them. And Castiel never felt safer in someone’s arms as he did in Dean’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo how bad was that?  
> Leave me some feedback if you like, also my Twitter is @weyheyallonsy if you have some questions about anything.  
> Thank you for reading, this is the last chapter of this story.  
> So, that's it.  
> I will probably be putting some short stories again soon enough.  
> Thank you again.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be few more chapters, by the way.  
> And please tell me where my grammar mistakes are. I would really like to know.


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